Dear Jack,
Let me first say that I really respect the fact that you've chosen to stay true to who you are and what you look like. I'm sure that being a Television Personality has been difficult with your unusual looks, and I'm impressed that you haven't caved to what I can only assume has been severe peer and industry pressure to have some plastic and reconstructive surgery on your clown-like ball face...
Let me first say that I really respect the fact that you've chosen to stay true to who you are and what you look like. I'm sure that being a Television Personality has been difficult with your unusual looks, and I'm impressed that you haven't caved to what I can only assume has been severe peer and industry pressure to have some plastic and reconstructive surgery on your clown-like ball face...
Now, down to business. I've seen enough of your commercials to know that you really like to relate to your customers. I feel like you've projected the image that you care about my opinion, so I thought I would write you to let you know how I felt about my experience at your wonderful establishment this morning (actually the driving lane right next to it but whatever). I'll start by saying that I awoke this morning from a moderately booze interrupted sleep by the feeling that I HAD to enjoy a #23 with extra cheese. I was slightly hungover and I was helping a friend move today, so I knew I needed a protein packed nutrition bomb to really start my day off right. I'm sure you are aware that the #23 is the Sausage, Egg and Cheese Croissant breakfast sandwich which comes with hash brown nuggets and a drink of my choice. I'll admit, I also added some Mini Churros to my order for two reasons; 1: I order absolutely anything if it is "mini" (I can't help it...my name is Minnie and I like little stuff) and 2: The last time I was at your beautiful restaurant, I ordered them and you were out, so one of your customer service representatives gave me a coupon for some free ones. Now I will tell you, these Mini Churros are the most scrumptious little fried pieces of heaven that I've ever wrapped my lips around. If you let them cool just the teeniest bit, the goo inside them takes on this really interesting flavor that can only be described as "Play-Doh." The cinnamon and sugar got all over my legs and in my car, and I really just had a great time. (Yeah, you caught me...I ate those Mini Churros first.)
Moving on, I opened the bag and pulled out the sandwich (made with an actual egg, I think) and the Hashbrown Nuggets. I gotta tell you, I really love your Hashbrown Nuggets, and was very excited to eat one this morning. They are consistently piping hot, and the potato? pieces are fried to golden perfection. No soggy bits here! HOWEVER, when I opened the bag, what did I find? A MCDONALD's style hashbrown block. Gross! It fell apart and got wet pieces of potato? all over my shirt! How embarrassing. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized you had given up and bowed to society's pressure to conform. You took what made your breakfast potatoes? unique and just did what everyone else is doing (and not very well I might add.)
Jack, I am very upset (and so is my stomach...but don't worry, I'm sure it was just some salad I ate last night, not your delicacies.) I'm not sure how we can resolve this issue, but I suggest we figure something out quickly.
In conclusion, I'd like to say, "Change the potatoes? back to what they used to be!" I'll be expecting your Santa-Jack antenna topper in the mail ASAP.
With love and gratitude,
Minnie
Moving on, I opened the bag and pulled out the sandwich (made with an actual egg, I think) and the Hashbrown Nuggets. I gotta tell you, I really love your Hashbrown Nuggets, and was very excited to eat one this morning. They are consistently piping hot, and the potato? pieces are fried to golden perfection. No soggy bits here! HOWEVER, when I opened the bag, what did I find? A MCDONALD's style hashbrown block. Gross! It fell apart and got wet pieces of potato? all over my shirt! How embarrassing. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized you had given up and bowed to society's pressure to conform. You took what made your breakfast potatoes? unique and just did what everyone else is doing (and not very well I might add.)
Jack, I am very upset (and so is my stomach...but don't worry, I'm sure it was just some salad I ate last night, not your delicacies.) I'm not sure how we can resolve this issue, but I suggest we figure something out quickly.
In conclusion, I'd like to say, "Change the potatoes? back to what they used to be!" I'll be expecting your Santa-Jack antenna topper in the mail ASAP.
With love and gratitude,
Minnie
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