Let me first say that I really respect the fact that you've chosen to stay true to who you are and what you look like. I'm sure that being a Television Personality has been difficult with your unusual looks, and I'm impressed that you haven't caved to what I can only assume has been severe peer and industry pressure to have some plastic and reconstructive surgery on your clown-like ball face...
Moving on, I opened the bag and pulled out the sandwich (made with an actual egg, I think) and the Hashbrown Nuggets. I gotta tell you, I really love your Hashbrown Nuggets, and was very excited to eat one this morning. They are consistently piping hot, and the potato? pieces are fried to golden perfection. No soggy bits here! HOWEVER, when I opened the bag, what did I find? A MCDONALD's style hashbrown block. Gross! It fell apart and got wet pieces of potato? all over my shirt! How embarrassing. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized you had given up and bowed to society's pressure to conform. You took what made your breakfast potatoes? unique and just did what everyone else is doing (and not very well I might add.)
Jack, I am very upset (and so is my stomach...but don't worry, I'm sure it was just some salad I ate last night, not your delicacies.) I'm not sure how we can resolve this issue, but I suggest we figure something out quickly.
In conclusion, I'd like to say, "Change the potatoes? back to what they used to be!" I'll be expecting your Santa-Jack antenna topper in the mail ASAP.
With love and gratitude,